Ask One Question

We all know that communication is a vital and critical requirement for succeeding in life. When we are with business colleagues or friends or family or even with strangers, communication is the medium that allows us to connect to another person, find ways to give or offer care, seek our needs/wants and to collaborate for all kinds of reasons.

Communication is a skill. If we really understood how vital this skill is, we would tenaciously teach it explicitly and consistently to every young child and value it beyond math or english or science.

Have you noticed how seldom we truly understand the purpose of another’s words? We assume so much about peoples’ intentions as they speak to us or with us. We don’t often pay close attention to the assumptions we make, and our communication is thereby oriented in ways that we choose unilaterally, though if we care to understand another person, this will only serve to frustrate and keep a level of interpersonal disconnection and distance alive.

We must dare to find out what the other person desires from any particular communication. So ask! Ask them. Find out clearly. Take a risk to find out their purpose in communication. And take a risk to name your own intentions for any particular encounter. Ask the most important question there is: Would you like to talk about your feelings here, or problem solve this situation?

TRY: When someone engages you about a topic, ask them clearly if they are wanting to express their feelings, or solve a problem.