Comparisons

Comparisons are how we all live. We are eternally looking to the outside world for how we “should” look, feel, think, decide, play, value and interact. Forever using a measuring against our performance, ability, capacity, effort, looks, etc. This culture, and every culture, has so much to say about how the individuals in the society “should” be and act. What is acceptable and normal, and what is out of bounds.

What does a person do who doesn’t fit the mold in certain ways, or even many ways? How does a person feel when s/he realizes that something subjective and particular to themselves does not fit this supposed norm or ideal? This insidious challenge is omnipresent for each and every one of us.

Often we respond with shame or anxiety. We hide our subjective nature and personal experience from others. We may even hide from ourselves. We may do that with our consciousness, not allowing ourselves to explore the territory of our own character, feelings, needs, wants, or rights. We may use alcohol and drugs to keep a level of numbness functioning in our nervous systems. We may use food as a balm without even knowing that this is why we eat or crave certain foods (usually sugars and simple carbohydrates, or simply over eating). We may use physical restrictions, tightness in the body’s musculature to limit the amount of sensory input to the brain thus diminishing the amount of self-awareness that we live with moment to moment.

There are no simple solutions to this challenging dance and interchange of the individual with the society. However, it behooves to become aware of the myriad ways we compare, measuring ourselves against a ruler that is either external, internalized or even of our own making. This way we can begin to come to grips with the enormity of who we really are inside and contemplate creating a new paradigm of self-evaluation.

TRY: Limiting the availability of comparisons in the way you think about a certain experience in your life.  Keep the focus on the actual, lived experience in your body, without judgement and dismissal. Notice how often a “ruler” for measure enters the thought process.

TRY: Listening to people talk, for the frequency and context of the word “should” in their discourse.